Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize