census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my poor anus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
