what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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