I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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