Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
