Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
