Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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