did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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