I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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