i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
