I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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