I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
