we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize