I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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