**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
