I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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