Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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