My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
