The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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