last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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