well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
