You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
