Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
