I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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