I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
