I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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