He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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