Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize