I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
