i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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