Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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