Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my phone needs a breathalizer
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
