I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
