he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
