i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
