In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
