You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
