I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
