i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
