So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
