No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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