I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
