worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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