you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
