At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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