Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
