im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
