She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
