just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
