Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
