I just made out with a guy for $7.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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