omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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