Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
