No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
