i already hear my dad disowning me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
