i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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