i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
