dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
