She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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