The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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