My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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