can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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