im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize