Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
