nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I came so hard my ears popped.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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