it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
