remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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