I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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