I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
