I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
