He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
