Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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