im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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