can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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