so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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