Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
