I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
