And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my poor anus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
