Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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