i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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