Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You may now shotgun with the bride
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
