When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
