i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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